I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm just crazy horny about you
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
