ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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