i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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