i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
