i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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