I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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