I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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