he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize