Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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