i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
