"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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