Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
How's work?
Spinning.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
