But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
