we made out on top of his cat.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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