Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
