They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
