I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
