I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
