I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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