I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
