Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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