Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
