why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
only if we run a train.
done.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize