My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
