Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
