You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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