Why are handjobs necessary in class?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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