i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
