You just made me feel so damn special
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
