my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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