party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
