I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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