i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize