Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
