Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
