I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
