JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
