For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
