When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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