She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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