if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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