my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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