Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
