Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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