vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
