he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
