I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
