Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
