Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
