told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize