So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
