A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
