Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
