Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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