can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
