i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
