You really coming over, don't trick.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
