Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
sarcasm needs its own font
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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