he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
