How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
