we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
