Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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