My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize