I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
