Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
