apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
