I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
