If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
