it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
