peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize