Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
