I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
