i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
