So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
