Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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