So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
did i just pee glitter
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize