i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
